Thursday, May 5, 2016

Life's Gifts

I am blessed with gifts. The gift of life changed my entire world. It made see things differently. It opened my eyes to world I never knew existed. I was too busy creating what I thought to be at the time my ideal life. My ideal life before transplant was an illusion. It was sprinkled with great moments at times but it seemed to lack substance and purpose. The struggles I had before transplant I often did not share for fear of judgement or pity. My life with diabetes had become something I was ashamed of, because I couldn't control it and I felt like a failure. I felt dissolutioned. I hid those emotions and tried to seem happy and move forward. I what I didn't realize at the time was that I wasn't moving forward I was just running in place.

After transplant my ideal life was different. I knew what hope and survival was. I truly learned what God's love was, and I became grateful and humbled by the miracles he gave to me. The sense of purpose was what became my war cry. I felt I needed to share what had happened to me, not for pity's sake, but in hopes that what led me to transplant didn't happen to others.

I floundered with what my path should be and how to make it all fall into place. I found that despite my willingness to do something to be effective and prevent others from experiencing my outcome I had to think bigger. I had to think beyond my little bubble. I had to dig deep and move forward with a loud voice to be heard by all. I had to realize that what I was enduring was my path to share. My purpose resides within a voice I had stifled for far too long. I'm finding my voice more each day, it gets louder and louder as my strength builds and my soul fills with purpose, hope, and optimism!!

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