tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-67783235689526257512024-03-04T22:45:21.309-08:00Transformed by TransplantAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02446910366377230875noreply@blogger.comBlogger93125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6778323568952625751.post-63983427316237070522018-07-29T08:43:00.001-07:002018-07-29T09:45:58.470-07:00Breaking Through <p dir="ltr">I laid in my hospital bed drenched from the melted ice that had been placed all over my body. My hospital gown was clinging to my clammy skin like Seran wrap on a glass bowl.The fever had reached such a high temperature that I had become delirious and near death once more. There was nothing more to be done, no medicine could I take, no procedure to perform, there was nothing left but the cold bags of ice as the final attempt to break my fever. </p>
<p dir="ltr">I had recieved my long awaited kidney and pancreas transplant. My kidney  rejected just a few hours after being transplanted, the culprit was the Bactrim. It  caused my kidney to shut down. The remedy was to change the antibiotic and I responded almost immediately. The rejection had ceased, and I went home a week later rejuvenated by my new gifts. </p>
<p dir="ltr">I went back 4 days after discharge running a fever. I was again hospitalized. My doctors and surgeons plan was to perform a lavage and a biopsy of my new pancreas. The lavage was intended to treat any underlying infection in my abdominal cavity and surrounding organs and the biopsy would indicate if the pancreas was functioning properly and to check for infection. The lavage went well and no sign of infection in the accumulated fluid, however the biopsy was problematic. The surgeon mistakenly took a sample of a lymphnode instead of my pancreas. A second attempt at a biopsy was too risky and the team decided that the problem must lie in the fact that a IV drug administered after transplant was not given long enough post transplant and a second course would do the trick. Still in the hospital I undergo a PICC line placement and sent home to await infusion from a home care nurse to be closely monitored because of dangerous blood pressure issues. The infusions took 5 hours and were scheduled to run for 8 days, and would have to be given very very slowly.  It is a very strong drug, given too quickly it can cause heart failure. Day three of the infusion had been problematic my blood pressure began to be greatly affected and I developed another high fever. The nurse then sent me back to the hospital and I am again admitted for the remainder of the infusion treatment. I was discharged and sent back home. </p>
<p dir="ltr">Two weeks go by and it's time to return to the transplant center for bloodwork and follow-up. The day before I went out to a concert although still weak I had been cleared to be out in public by this point. I had to leave the next day for the 4 hour trip to the hospital. We checked into our hotel and settled in for the night. I had been exhausted and weak after traveling I immediately went to sleep. I awoke at 2AM burning with a fever of 103.2. I sat on the floor of the shower (too weakened to to stand) as the cool water soothed my fevered skin. My appointment was at 6AM, when I arrived my fever had went even higher at 104° and I'm admitted yet again. </p>
<p dir="ltr">I lingered with high fever for over a week. The doctors perplexed as to why I have a fever, they were at a loss. My fever spiked as high as 105°. Tylenol reduced it only to about 103°. I had been on a steady dose of heavy antibiotics but nothing had worked thus far. I was so weak and I remembered thinking I was dying. I clung to my husband, I was so afraid and filled with uncertainty. I grasped his hand as he stood by my bedside. He placed cold rags on my head and neck as he  attempted to ease my fever. He brushed my hair with a slow rthymic motions. He showed such gentle and loving care for me with every gesture. No medicine could have given me, what he was at that very moment.</p>
<p dir="ltr">The doctor came in and spoken to my husband. The doctor said to him there is nothing more they can do, but pray. The doctor sat beside me on my bed placed his hand on my knee and we all prayed. They had began to pack me in ice. Small plastic bags were all over, the sheets soaked from the melted ice. As each bag melted another one quickly took its place. This went on throughout the night and into the next day.  My husband stood vigilant as we continued to cling to one another, and as I clung to life. My eyes had become unable to focus, blurred shapes began to appear and dry cracks formed on my lips as the fever dominated over me. I began to feel my life slipping away, I began to drift into another place. My mind was as foggy as my vision had been.  I  had felt my husbands cold hand upon my forehead and looked at his face. His face appeared tired from sleeplessness and his eyes filled with tears around the dark circles that had formed underneath. He leaned over me and kissed my damp forehead still squeezing my hand he whispered "I love you"...I felt and saw his fear and helplessness as he watched my body turn on itself once again. </p>
<p dir="ltr">My constant battle was always with my own body. From my early childhood diagnosis as a diabetic, to this very moment my most persistent adversary has always been my own body. How do I fight myself? I'm so tired of fighting. I began to cry and ask my husband if I was dying?! His tears streaming down his face he said, "not today".</p>
<p dir="ltr">I fell asleep for a few hours and I awake to see my husband still standing in the same spot, still holding my hand. I looked at his face and he smiled and said, "your fever broke" </p>
<p dir="ltr">I had given up, but my husband never did. He took over where I left off and picked up the fight. He prayed and fought for me when I couldn't any longer. </p>
<p dir="ltr">My doctor came in smiling and said, "a miracle has been witnessed by us all. God carried you in the palm of his hand didn't he"?  We both said "Yes, he sure did"! </p>
<p dir="ltr">After two more days I left the hospital and the high fevers  never returned. </p>
<p dir="ltr">Sometimes all we have to fight with is prayers and the people we love. Whether its God or your family, friends, or whatever your beliefs may be, there is someone pulling for you, when you feel weak they will step up. I may have let go for a moment, but I survived by a circle of strength that I still carry everyday. That very moment taught me that I'll never give up again, because they never did!!</p>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02446910366377230875noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6778323568952625751.post-74171103523823774682018-07-25T06:45:00.003-07:002018-07-25T06:47:17.854-07:00Daddy's GiftAs many of you may know my dad passed recently, and was a registered organ donor. He knew how important the gift of life was, especially after witnessing how it saved my life. Dad wanted to give back in a way to express his gratfullness for the gift I had received. When our family was approached at the hospital by the funeral home director to donate his eyes to the Georgia Eye B<br />
ank we didn't hesitate We knew the importance of this gesture and how amazing it would be to honor his legacy with this incredible gift of sight.<br />
<br />
Today as I was heading to a doctor appointment I checked our mail and found a large envelope from the Georgia eye Bank. Inclosed was this beautiful pin (pictured below) that I can wear proudly as a reminder of the gift he had given.<br />
<br />
Dad wanted to make a difference and give back to someone in need, just as someone once did for me.<br />
I was honored to help fulfill his wish. Now his eyes see once again and part of him lives on with his incredible gift of sight.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYYbCLuWrhf0VwKCSnDpc11jfEn6U38icdnpb44SreasXH4wFW9eQ_RrHKRIT298DWS_VNKRqVi_acAY7D_wwRh5-clIJutUDAAWfhxSXH-bDlTtTR83LUBdZxxoPWaPSgpk67s9YDGqHF/s1600/37488385_1486981994737117_1897304478772625408_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1316" data-original-width="640" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYYbCLuWrhf0VwKCSnDpc11jfEn6U38icdnpb44SreasXH4wFW9eQ_RrHKRIT298DWS_VNKRqVi_acAY7D_wwRh5-clIJutUDAAWfhxSXH-bDlTtTR83LUBdZxxoPWaPSgpk67s9YDGqHF/s400/37488385_1486981994737117_1897304478772625408_o.jpg" width="192" /></a></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02446910366377230875noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6778323568952625751.post-57014751966834483422018-07-23T13:59:00.001-07:002018-07-23T14:05:13.216-07:00Meeting the Candidates <p dir="ltr">I had the opportunity to meet with Lisa Ring district 1 congressional candidate for Georgia. We discussed healthcare and its failures. She shared with me her plan's for improving our broken healthcare system. Lisa listened to my story and many others like myself who struggle to afford proper healthcare. It was a great opportunity to finally be heard! Many thanks to Lisa Ring and her staff for reaching out to people of this city and the entire district. <br>
https://www.facebook.com/LisaRingGA/videos/2150909284925475/</p>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02446910366377230875noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6778323568952625751.post-15752125313664763692018-07-23T06:15:00.001-07:002018-07-23T06:19:04.108-07:00Our New Podcast<div dir="ltr">
Transformed by Transplant has entered a new genre with our new podcast. Listen as we share our journey which led to transplant. The podcast will include true stories of triumph and survival. We take you through the pitfalls and miracles of transplant and chronic illness. Join us for this incredible journey!!</div>
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http://transformedbytransplant.libsyn.com/transformed-by-transplant-episode-1-the-beginning</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02446910366377230875noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6778323568952625751.post-45010534933732875992018-07-10T04:52:00.001-07:002018-07-10T05:54:14.985-07:00Dad<p dir="ltr">This post has little to do with transplant, but it does have a great deal to with transformation. </p>
<p dir="ltr">Three weeks ago my dad died very suddenly. In the early morning hours I had recieved the dreaded phone call that he had been found unresponsive and had been taken to the hospital. A thousand thoughts came rushing at me all at once. Panic and despair quickly set me in motion and unleashed a chain of events that devastated our family. </p>
<p dir="ltr">Early morning driving to the hospital and replaying the words in my head, looking for clues and understanding as to what happened. My mind was racing. We pull up to the ER after trying figure out where he had been taken. I walked through the doors to a eerily quiet waiting room and asked if he was there, still not sure if I had the right hospital. That few moments seemed like an eternity. The receptionist confirmed he was there and that someone would be out to speak with me shortly. My heart sank. I knew what that meant and I agonized over my entire relationship with my dad in that brief moment. </p>
<p dir="ltr">The nurse escorted us to the family room. I collapsed against my husband as every step towards that room became harder and harder. I felt numb and sank into the chair. I wanted to crawl inside myself and stay there. I began cry and my husband held me tightly against his chest. I looked up and saw his face and the tears that had welled up in his eyes. </p>
<p dir="ltr">The doctor came in the conference room and knelt down looking into my eyes as he began to give his speech  "despite our best efforts your father has passed."  </p>
<p dir="ltr">I couldn't hear anything any more just my muffled sobs pierced the silence of the room. I wanted to see him I needed to see for myself that he was truly gone. I expected dad to be sitting up and laughing like it was a joke. It wasn't a joke. His rosey complexion had been replaced with a gray hue, and his hands layed lifeless beside the bed. I grabbed his hand and felt the coldness. Still wanting and hoping he would squeeze my hand, but he didn't he had truly died. </p>
<p dir="ltr">At that moment I was no longer the woman of my forty seven years but a little girl who lost her daddy. </p>
<p dir="ltr">We sat with him for over an hour talking to him and loving him. We prayed with him and watched as he was given his final sacrament. We said our goodbyes and left the hospital with a bag of his tattered blood stained clothes and his gold necklace he always wore. It was done he was gone. </p>
<p dir="ltr">My greif was immeasurable and I didnt just grieve the loss of him but the loss of my mother years ago. I was alone without parents. I felt orphaned, and scared. Still the little girl, I felt lost. A flurry of emotions and memories came flooding through my mind in rapid succession. It was like a VCR stuck on replay and I couldn't get the tape to stop playing. </p>
<p dir="ltr">I know death comes for us all inevitably, however in that moment you dont think that way. Your only left with questions. Why did this happen? What to we do now? How do I live without them both? </p>
<p dir="ltr">I know now that I will live without them, but I dont want to. I want them back. I want my long conversations and joke telling. I want them to tuck me in at night. I want to hear them sing me songs and laugh at my antics. Hugs, I want to feel their hugs...<br>
Selfish? Perhaps so, but my heart is broken. I dont know that you ever get over the loss of your parent, you just learn a new way of living without them. You learn to accept death in all its forms, and you learn how to grieve quietly without ceasing. I know death can be a gift. My parents both suffered near the end of their lives and both were ready to leave this world. I just wasn't ready for them to go...Yes death can be a gift, it was just one I wasn't ready to recieve!<br><br></p>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02446910366377230875noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6778323568952625751.post-80338295482704527272016-08-12T11:39:00.003-07:002016-08-12T14:04:15.863-07:00SUGARI must preface this by saying; I'm not a medical professional. My knowledge on this subject comes from my own personal experiences with fatty liver disease and diabetes, and how sugar has impacted my life. I do not advocate for anyone other than myself. I encourage you to research and inform yourself on this topic and draw your own conclusions. These are merely my opinions.<br />
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Sugar, it's part of our everyday lives. We add it to our coffee, its added to our morning juice, often without us evening knowing it. We celebrate with sugar, we use sugar as a reward, and even withhold it as a punishment, 'NO DESSERT FOR YOU TONIGHT". We can't escape its hold on our foods and our society. We consume 700,000 tons annually, that is a staggering amount. It's not always obvious as to where the sugar is hidden in our food. We all know that sugar is in candy, but what about that hidden sugar masking as healthy-type foods? Look in your pantry can you identify the hidden sugar? There are over 61 names for sugar; fructose, sucrose, and barley malt just to name a few. All this sugar consumption has had a huge impact on our health.<br />
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What is all this sugar consumption doing to us? Its wrecking havoc on us. Sugar consumption can be linked to metabolic disorders, dementia, heart disease, increased type 2 diabetes in children not to mention fatty liver disease. The increased rates in children have been steadily on the rise, and as research shows a correlation to our increased sugar intake. The average sugar intake for the FDA is now 5 teaspoons per day, on average we consume well over that. The average child is eating approximately 32 teaspoons per day and the average adult is consuming around 22. To to put this into perspective for you in 1822 the average American consumed 45g of sugar per day, that's equivalent to one soda. This sugar consumption is making us sick.<br />
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Which prompts the question ''Why is this happening?" Well to understand the full impact sugar has on our bodies we must first understand what sugar is, and how are bodies use it. Sugar or Sucrose is made up of glucose and fructose. Glucose is easily digested by the body and is what is commonly referred to as your blood sugar, and is regulated by insulin produced in the pancreas. Fructose, however is primarily filtered through your liver and causes the increase in fat which can cause your liver to become fatty, as well as cause an increase in triglycerides. This can lead to liver disease, diabetes, heart disease, and obesity. We are also now seeing children with Type 2 Diabetes and fatty liver disease, and even teenagers with heart disease. These conditions were mostly found only in older seniors just a few decades ago.<br />
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If this sounds frightening to you, you're not alone. Dr Robert Lustig a pediatric endocrinologist from Canada has been seeing this steady increase in children, and has been a champion in the fight against sugar. He has even gone as far as to say sugar is toxic perhaps even addictive, which has made him an enemy of the sugar industry. In the documentary Sugar Coated (available on Netflix) Dr Lustig lists several maladies that can be associated with sugar, and how sugar can be linked to most non-communicable diseases. What's even more frightening is how The Sugar Association has gone out of its way to keep this quiet. The sugar industry has manipulated the research process, and produced conflicting information to steer people and the FDA away from the facts about sugar and the harm it can cause.<br />
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There was a report published in Newsweek on The Sugar Lobby written by Zoe Schlanger that plainly stated that the Sugar Association as well as other trades stated in a letter to, then Health and Human Services Secretary Tommy Thompson asking him to intervene, or they would persuade US Congress not to fund programs for the World Heath Organization, which apparently worked, because when the WHO published its findings there was no mention of the effects of sugar .The article also stated that the sugar industry has gone out of its was to downplay scientific data that explains the dangers of sugar. I'm not a conspiratorial individual, but you have to ask yourself, who benefits from withholding these studies?<br />
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I must admit I'm a bit overwhelmed by these findings. This information seems very compelling, and deserves further research. I have suffered with a fatty liver as well as diabetes for many years. Perhaps I would have made some different choices if this information was made available to me when I was younger. This however just reinforced what I advocated for myself. Knowledge is power. You need to know exactly what your are putting into your body and what effects it has on you. The information is there we just have to look for it. I know I will will be removing some sugar from my diet. I'm making changes daily to make myself better, and it's a ongoing quest to be my absolute best. It all starts from within!! I will be posting more data including a list of names for hidden sugars. This is a subject that I will be revisiting in the near future. Stay tuned!!<br />
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Be Safe. Be well. Be informed!!<br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02446910366377230875noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6778323568952625751.post-19628682502901941352016-05-05T18:20:00.001-07:002018-04-28T15:21:23.516-07:00Life's Gifts<p dir="ltr">I am blessed with gifts. The gift of life changed my entire world. It made see things differently. It opened my eyes to world I never knew existed. I was too busy creating what I thought to be at the time my ideal life. My ideal life before transplant was an illusion. It was sprinkled with great moments at times but it seemed to lack substance and purpose. The struggles I had before transplant I often did not share for fear of judgement or pity. My life with diabetes had become something I was ashamed of, because I couldn't control it and I felt like a failure. I felt dissolutioned. I hid those emotions and tried to seem happy and move forward. I what I didn't realize at the time was that I wasn't moving forward I was just running in place.</p>
<p dir="ltr">After transplant my ideal life was different. I knew what hope and survival was. I truly learned what God's love was, and I became grateful and humbled by the miracles he gave to me. The sense of purpose was what became my war cry. I felt I needed to share what had happened to me, not for pity's sake, but in hopes that what led me to transplant didn't happen to others. </p>
<p dir="ltr">I floundered with what my path should be and how to make it all fall into place. I found that despite my willingness to do something to be effective and prevent others from experiencing my outcome I had to think bigger. I had to think beyond my little bubble. I had to dig deep and move forward with a loud voice to be heard by all. I had to realize that what I was enduring was my path to share. My purpose resides within a voice I had stifled for far too long. I'm finding my voice more each day, it gets louder and louder as my strength builds and my soul fills with purpose, hope, and optimism!!</p>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02446910366377230875noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6778323568952625751.post-88444266650296432012016-03-15T07:27:00.001-07:002018-04-27T16:06:05.066-07:00Lessons<p dir="ltr">What happens when your world is turned upside down? When you're  hit with a chronic illness, a death of a loved one, what do you do? Do you learn anything from the experience? What's you "take away"? Do you give up?  WHAT DO YOU LEARN FROM THE EXPERIENCE? </p>
<p dir="ltr">Questions flood our daily thoughts through any crisis. Memories come rushing back like flood waters breaching a levy. We rethink situations, we may even have regrets at how we handled it. Despite any regrets there is always  lessons hidden in the moments of our lives. Whether or not we pay attention and learn from the experiences is up to us. </p>
<p dir="ltr">Every experience forms us and shapes us, like a ball of clay. When faced with chronic illness, it's easy to succumb to the pressures of feeling disconnected from what's happening. Your world as you know it stops. It changes and becomes something entirely different from what you've been accustomed. Things you once took for granted may seem out of reach.</p>
<p dir="ltr">When I became ill and spent hours in the hospital, I would look out the window and see a sunny day. I wanted to feel the sun stinging my skin in the August heat. When my mother passed away, I would wake up in the morning without that familiar smell of Maxwell House brewing in the kitchen. Those things I took for granted, those things I missed. I still smell the coffee in the morning and I still feel the hot August sun, but I never take them for granted. Now I inhale that aroma of coffee a little deeper, and I stretch my arms out and hug the hot sun.  I'm thankful and grateful for those simple pleasures. My lessons are endless, and I learned not to take anything for granted. I  relish each experience whether good or bad. </p>
<p dir="ltr">I live to believe that each experience holds a lesson for me. I learn more about myself, and hopefully it maked me a better person. A person open to change, and a person who wants to experience what life has to offer. I accept all these changes in see the beautiful knowledge locked within each experience, for that is how I became me. I move on, I live, I learn, and I evelove and in the end I'll be better than yesterday and ready for tomorrow.</p>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02446910366377230875noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6778323568952625751.post-32704982778822116602016-02-22T09:22:00.001-08:002016-02-22T09:22:09.585-08:00Elect Humanity <p dir="ltr">Well I have returned to my blog. I had some health problems and unfortunately  the blog fell to the wayside, however I feel that the time has come voice my opinion. </p>
<p dir="ltr">The elections looming upon us means different things to different  people. Some of you may be staunch supporters of the Republicans some are die hard  Democrats, others may be Independents or even indifferent altogether.  My feelings on politics vary based on platforms and character. I really could care less what side of the fence you fall on as long as you are fair, honest, non-judgmental, compassionate, and posses some sort of bipartisanship. That being said none of the potential candidates posses this traits. </p>
<p dir="ltr">My biggest concern in politics  has always been about Healthcare, and for obvious reasons. I grew up without insurance and did not qualify due to pre-existing conditions. My mother was forced to be on welfare in order for me to obtain Healthcare. Yes she was forced, nothing was available at that time, that would allow her to work and still provide Healthcare for our family. </p>
<p dir="ltr">Obama care I think we all can agree has been a huge mess. I don't  presume to know how to fix the problem that Healthcare has become all I know is what I have endured. I do know this... I am a product of the failed Healthcare  system. I grew up in a terribly  flawed system and I paid for with my life. I underwent reusing needles to point of pain, reusing lancets, rationing out test strips, picking up change on the side of the road to buy another bottle of insulin, because I was only allowed one per month, but used two.  </p>
<p dir="ltr">I would not be here typing this blog if Obama care had not forced insurance companies to insure me and those like me.  I would never have had a transplant, and I would most likely be dead at this point. I'm not being overly dramatic these are the facts. I am the failed Healthcare  system that needs to be fixed. </p>
<p dir="ltr">We as a society  have the power to cure so many, and yet we deprive those who could be saved. Why is it so hard to help those who are less fortunate? </p>
<p dir="ltr">I realize there are several  factors for treating people and insuring them. If other countries can do it, and do it productively, then I think we could as well.  When did it become a flaw in one's character to help others? When did we become so heartless? </p>
<p dir="ltr">You want to make America  great again? Start with helping one another. Start with compassion. Start with tolerance. Start with love for humanity ,and leave the judgements for God. </p>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02446910366377230875noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6778323568952625751.post-7885585895517771022015-05-19T14:43:00.002-07:002015-05-19T14:45:02.096-07:00ChangeChange- we have all experienced it, embraced it, or even balked at it. I have come to realize that change is inevitable, but for a transplant patient your main goal through change is perseverance. Our bodies change but moreover your mindset changes. As a transplant patient your life become more difficult and hard changes were forced upon you, (because lets face it nobody wants a transplant it becomes a necessity).<br />
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The process leading up to transplant is arduous, with constant testing, the labs, the setbacks and the endless waiting. The changes that our bodies undergo and the emotional rollercoaster we encounter is all part of this process. The biggest challenge I faced was all the changes. <br />
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The first thing I had to change was the way I worked the way I performed my everyday task. I had to step down from a position, and take a easier job [with a pay cut]. I then had to begin the endless doctor visits while trying to keep a job. Then came the dietary restrictions the vitamins and long list of " Do's and Don'ts". Hurdle after hurdle was met until that fateful day.... TRANSPLANT DAY. Those changes saved my life, and started me on new awakening. This meant I had to change the way I thought about things. Leading up to Transplant there really wasn't time for thinking or contemplating. I was focused on my goal which was a transplant. The way I handled things was to meet everything head on, no time to think about all the other stuff. I approached it just like it was a job, which I guess in retrospect it was. Post transplant my mindset began to change. Things settled down medically, me no longer able to work as I once did gave me time for reflection. I thought about "What roll do I play now?" "What's my purpose, my reason for being?" you know all those life questions I thought I dealt with in my twenties. I thought perhaps I was having a midlife crisis. I always had a plan, so I had to change....again. Well my life was upside down, I had a doctor appointment coming up soon so I thought I'll just ask a few questions and see if this is normal behavior. I had such anxiety when the doctor walked in the room, he said, "Hey Tabatha how are you today?" I burst into the ugly cry, trying to explain through the sobs what was wrong. The doctor... clearly taken aback by my outburst said to me, "No wonder your like this, you have undergone some serious changes." "Its okay all the feelings your experiencing", and added "All this anxiety is perfectly normal, lets get you to a counselor and possibly some meds." Needless to say I saw a counselor and got a prescription to help with the anxiety. Through change I am growing, although the anxiety subsided I still had all those lingering questions. I'm learning through all the changes... good and bad and some of my questions may never get answered, and that's okay. Sharing my experiences and changes with others is helping me find my way. <br />
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I have learned to embrace changes, not only to embrace them but to view them as inspiration. I now go beyond the everyday to see within myself. My change is not over, it is only beginning. Changes are not be feared they are to reveled in. The changes we endure enrich us whether good or bad, there is always something to learn from them. I changed to be better and I continue to change to gain understanding and clarity. <br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02446910366377230875noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6778323568952625751.post-13915080965125823122015-04-02T17:57:00.001-07:002015-04-02T17:57:44.347-07:00Happiness At Last<div dir="ltr">
I have experienced a great deal through my journey. I have learned some very valuable and hard lessons along the way. My bitterness that came from being ill has faded,and been replaced with since of calm and peacefulness. I know now that those hard lessons were crucial in teaching me what I needed to know and that was HOW TO LIVE.......</div>
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We have all heard that we get so busy making a life we fail to live it. I truly know now what that really means. It was my quality of living that I neglected, in truly living a happy and fulfilling life. That's my lesson, I learned to value my life and the gift of my life. My second chance at getting it right! I had to go through those difficulties to get my reward, my peace.</div>
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I have become successful at achieving true happiness, peacefulness and fulfillment. I sorted through all my issues figuratively and literally. It was hard and honestly painful sometimes. I had to evaluate myself not the situation. You see... my whole life till now was dealing with situations, not handling my life, when I did that I gave my happiness away to the situation. I expected my husband and material things, my job and money to make me happy. </div>
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Happiness started with me. I found and fixed what I had done to myself. I started with small yet significant steps. I learned to forgive myself and love myself and to be proud of what I had accomplished. I stopped blaming and started owning my shit. Therapy and a prayer and and unwavering support from my family and friends made it much easier to change. </div>
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</div>
<div dir="ltr">
Everyday is a new and full promise. I know the concept of achieving happiness sounds silly, perhaps so... I don't need their approval. The only approval I need is my own. I refused to be defeated by negative thoughts and actions. I'm well aware things may go wrong or the day may not unfold as I have wanted, and that's okay because I can handle it. I handle it because I know the problem will resolve and things will continue to go on. Its called faith....Faith in my god, faith in my myself faith in the those around me. </div>
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</div>
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My life is happier because I choose to be happy and thankful for the life I have been given. I don't try to understand those who bring negative to my life, I just remove the negative. It keeps me healthier mentally and physically when I choose to be my own best positive influence. I then surround myself with those whom I love and respect and admire and learned to give all of my heart every time. I surrounded myself with joy. I forgive easier, I learn more, I feel more and I gain such clarity and calmness.</div>
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Through struggles I found resilience, through pain I found happiness, through bitterness I found forgiveness and in tithe end I obtained unconditional love from MYSELF!<br />
<br />
Tabatha </div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02446910366377230875noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6778323568952625751.post-20772671700330900072015-01-17T10:32:00.001-08:002015-01-17T10:36:20.965-08:00So What<p dir="ltr">I woke this morning!! It sounds simple to some but for others like myself (with chronic illness) it's the greatest victory in our journey of wellness.</p>
<p dir="ltr">Sometimes our simplest task are tiresome and daunting. I know first hand at the frustration of not being able to accomplish what the heart is willing to do.  I've had to learn to take my time and not rush. "It will get done when it gets done" is my new mantra, and it is helping me adjust. Letting go of the rush of hurrying along all the time, has relieved some stress.</p>
<p dir="ltr">I had to say the "the  hell with it" and " so what"!! Let it go (now that song is stuck in my head). It's been a freeeing process of not having that burden on me to rush everything to completion. "So what" if there is a dish in the sink, "so what" if there is dirty towel on the floor, "so what" if I don't want to cook! It all eventually will get done when I get to it.....and that's ok!</p>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtk7j40I9yG9SqM6QHS4cv-91T8TCQY_R0hVNHMnXbxM2s7gaenySWxgZjr9cBR5CsxD9af6BviDFHz2-GoCdNKN7C9Ec8VTwk_QUruTdRXcBzRw_xiYgi7g_Z7vH_zCKcYoHyz0YplylX/s1600/IMAG5362.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"> <img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtk7j40I9yG9SqM6QHS4cv-91T8TCQY_R0hVNHMnXbxM2s7gaenySWxgZjr9cBR5CsxD9af6BviDFHz2-GoCdNKN7C9Ec8VTwk_QUruTdRXcBzRw_xiYgi7g_Z7vH_zCKcYoHyz0YplylX/s640/IMAG5362.jpg"> </a> </div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02446910366377230875noreply@blogger.com0Garden City, Garden City32.114372 -81.154tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6778323568952625751.post-10706454636562995392014-12-30T19:16:00.001-08:002014-12-30T19:16:17.302-08:00<p dir="ltr">With hope all things are possible, with faith everything is manageable, and with love everything will prosper.</p>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02446910366377230875noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6778323568952625751.post-20212678806721474102014-12-04T20:03:00.001-08:002014-12-04T20:03:12.213-08:00<p dir="ltr">When you feel passion, embrace it.<br>
When you feel madness embrace it.</p>
<p dir="ltr">Then you know the difference.</p>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02446910366377230875noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6778323568952625751.post-59230547917867082502014-10-31T05:31:00.000-07:002014-10-31T05:31:24.464-07:00Taking A BreakI've had a rough week. I'm not even going to try to "sugar coat it" for you, it sucked. I have been trying to express my feelings in writing but every time I write it down it either sounds like a pity party or like I have just regurgitated a fucking Hallmark card. The simple truth is I got another diagnosis, this time a ovarian cyst. Not a big deal I know but just another item on the ever growing list that has become my life. I'm being strong and all that positive shit, but let me tell you something it is fucking hard. <br />
<br />
People always tell me that I'm strong and they could never do what I do. That kinda puts me on some kind of a pedestal that I feel I have to stay on so I don't let everyone down, and honestly I'm just fucking tired. I'm just ready for a break, just a reprive from my life for a moment. I don't have a endless supply of possitivity, I have to refill it with my own soul and spirit. I pray meditate and tend my soul to keep it full but even that is not enough at times. <br />
<br />
Don't let your condition define you, well when you have CON DI TIONSSS its hard not too. Clearly I have some work to do. My entire job is taking care of myself, and sometimes I fall short. My life defines me and my issues define me just as your career as a artist, teacher or countless other jobs would define you. My life is my career, my livelihood and my reality, and I make mistakes. There is no school for my career, no guide book no steps to follow and no degree. Its just perseverance and survival. So the question everyday that I ask myself is "do you want to keep fighting for your life?" AND EVERYDAY I ANSWER YES. I will keep answering yes everyday till I don't want to fight any longer. Make no mistake I value every single moment and every second I have and I'm thankful for them all. But its hard and standing on that pedestal of strength, well sometimes I need to sit down, I'm not giving up I just taking a break I'm not sitting on the ledge thinking everyday wheather or not I should jump on the contrary I'm sitting on ledge watching the sunrise and just taking a fucking breakAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02446910366377230875noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6778323568952625751.post-69513384568086063962014-10-16T11:10:00.004-07:002014-10-16T11:10:53.857-07:00Driven by knowledge<br />
<br />
nurtured by hope<br />
<br />
fed by optimismAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02446910366377230875noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6778323568952625751.post-85554656318597117322014-10-16T08:03:00.002-07:002014-10-16T08:03:29.626-07:00In TimeIn times of sadness I find joy<br />
In times of pain I find healing<br />
In times of grief I find peace<br />
In times of love I find passion<br />
In times of fear I find strength<br />
In times of war I find compassion<br />
In times of hunger I find sustenance<br />
...and in time I will find purpose, in time I'll find meaning, in time I'll find youAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02446910366377230875noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6778323568952625751.post-79080552051673571372014-10-13T10:44:00.000-07:002014-10-13T10:44:17.630-07:00Ebola and TransplantThe outbreak of Ebola Virus Disease or (EVD) has raised many concerns in the medical community regarding transplant and the risk of contamination during transplantation. The thought of potential donor coming in contact with the transplant recipient is frightening. The Centers for Disease Control (CDC) recommendations have been issued to the Organ Procurement Network (OPN) and to the transplant centers as well as The United Network of Organ Sharing or (UNOS), and although the risk of contamination by an undiagnosed individual is low it has not been studied. As a result the CDC has recommended that EVD screening be included in evaluation of potential donors. The OPO's should also consider travel as a factor in evaluation, partly due to the the 21 incubation period of EVD. If you would like more inforrmation on this topic you can visit unos.org or cdc.govAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02446910366377230875noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6778323568952625751.post-61031430909933973422014-10-12T12:36:00.000-07:002014-10-12T12:36:00.484-07:00Several diseases and conditions can lead to organ failure such as heart disease, Cirrhosis, COPD, Cystic Fibrosis, Diabetes, Heapatitis, Lupus, and Hypertension to name just a few. If you are living with these conditions and transplant has become an option maintaining your health with these types of conditions can be difficult. Keeping yourself healthy as possible is must for transplant. Transplant facilities want you to be at your absolute best to ensure a successful outcome of your transplant. The healthier you are the better you will heal and the likelihood of rejection is lessened. <br />
<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02446910366377230875noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6778323568952625751.post-89779943016683477642014-10-09T14:00:00.001-07:002014-10-09T14:00:43.839-07:00Keyhole Kidney Surgeryhttp://m.bbc.com/news/health-29556902Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02446910366377230875noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6778323568952625751.post-25991882045167848832014-10-09T10:49:00.001-07:002014-10-09T10:49:38.703-07:00After my rant yesterday about the insurance issue, I had a thought that somehow people will do what is right. The fact is some people are just driven by greed and doing "the right thing" just isn't part of their thinking. The lines of right and wrong are constantly blurred by corporations, banks, conglomerates, and government. The question of how to change the broken system is inherently flawed because the belief that doing the right thing isn't as profitable. Many people are well intentioned, myself included and at the end of the day I have what I need. But so many don't and that is not fair. People say that you should work for what you want and quit complaining, and life isn't fair... there again that too is also flawed. Some of us are not highly educated which leaves us poorer than most. If we somehow manage to squeak by, and get an education and a job with insurance we are almost guaranteed to be in debt for most of our thirties paying off student debt. If we do get insurance we are still living week to week and one major hospitalization away from financial and economic ruin. And we did the right thing. <br />
<br />
So what do we do? We change the way business is done!! People first, and yes it is that simple. We punish those who are without or in need, we treat them as a lesser people that are not worthy of existence. Why is it so hard to help those in need and do what is right? We change it... it can be done!<br />
<br />
Germany just recently announced that all universities will offer free tuition, Sweden gives maternity leave for a year and free day care, Australia has a minimum wage of $16.00 per hour and avoided the recession that we sank into, Frances gives it's workers three weeks vacation per year and 30 hour work week, Other countries offer free insurance and invest more in education. Did the countries come unraveled from investing in their own people? No they didn't actually the opposite occurred and they thrived. Not all the the countries have it right but the line in the sand has been drawn and it clear that we need to do better. We are keeping the division of the "have and have nots" flowing long enough. Doing right for one, does right for all. We will all benefit from doing what is right for humanity instead of doing what is right for profit margins. <br />
<br />
I vow to do better and to encourage others to follow, one act of kindness will destroy one act of greed.<br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02446910366377230875noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6778323568952625751.post-79003648570679451582014-10-08T12:21:00.000-07:002014-10-08T12:39:49.239-07:00InsuranceInsurance the word that sends me into a complete tizzy. I can not for the life of me understand how they come up with the rules and regulations they follow. The thought process of these entities defies every ounce of common sense. I have dealt with (and somehow managed to survive) through illness despite having to deal with Medicare Medicaid and private insurance, because lets face it they don't make it easy. The reason I say "survive" is because of their complete disregard of logic, for example: When I became diabetic I could only have one vial of insulin a month, even though I was a Type 1 Diabetic and that required two diffident types of insulin to maintain, and only 25 test strips. This sets you up to fail which means hospitalizations which cost money. Then the coverage provider proceeds to complain that health cost are on the rise and cut us back even more on our benefits. Bankrupt Medicare and blame the patients. I'm sick and tired of the continued bullshit. Apparently each of us need to acquire our own personal lobbyist to go up on capitol hill and stand up for us or better yet we all go together and make the politicians answer for the fucking mess they have created.<br />
<br />
All the scientific data reports and the like all say it is better to prevent disease than to treat it, yet at every turn we are held hostage by ignorance. Its not hard, if your doctor who is accredited by the state and federal government that feels I need a fucking prescription then that should be good enough for the insurance company to approve me for said drug . I can recall several of these episodes the list is infinite, and I'm sure it will continue to grow as long as our interest as patients is not addressed.<br />
<br />
Example number one: Dad's scooter<br />
<br />
Carrier: Medicare<br />
<br />
Condition: Two time lung cancer survivor, COPD, lung dissection, type 2 diabetic on continuous oxygen, Arthritis in his feet which keep him from walking with out aid.<br />
<br />
Problem: Medicare finally approved a motorized scooter for my father, had scooter for 2 years. Batteries started not keeping a charge and tires needed replacement. Dad calls scooter company for maitainace and the company has closed. Dad calls Medicare and ask them who he may contact regarding his scooter to get repairs. Medicare does not have record of the scooter and dad has no paper work because the company failed to give him any are no out of business. <br />
<br />
Result: Medicare has refused to repair because of no record on file, however they will not let him get a new one because they know he already has one. Medicare has refused to honor a new prescription for a new scooter because he can't replace his scooter for five years. In the meantime while this is being sorted out my dad has no way to shop or get his medicine, because this is his only means of transportation.<br />
<br />
<br />
Status: As of today this is still pending and my dad does not have a operational scooter.<br />
<br />
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Example number two: My friend Mita<br />
<br />
<br />
Carrier: Medicaid<br />
<br />
Condition: Diabetic, Double transplant recipient, Neuropathy, disabled<br />
<br />
Problem: Accidentally broke her vial of insulin, Tried repeated attempts to get another prescription filled and has been denied by Medicaid each time because it exceeds her allowable amount for the month. Her doctor has provided her with samples of insulin she has to go pick up. Which is problematic because of her disability<br />
<br />
Status: Doctor has resorted to change her type of insulin in hopes of circumventing the system, and get her a prescription of insulin. She currently waiting on prescriptions.<br />
<br />
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<br />
Example number 3: Me<br />
<br />
Carrier: Private Insurance Medicare Supplement<br />
<br />
Condition: Former Diabetic and double transplant recipient<br />
<br />
Problem: Cut off within a week of acquiring insurance because Medicare did not report my transplant. Reinstated insurance the following week. Tried to make me pay a penalty for getting insurance at time I was not eligible, which was not true. Threatened a second time to cut me off because of they stated I had no drug coverage for more than 63 days. Billed me a late fee for not paying in September even though I could not pay till the policy was processed ( I acquired insurance on 9/1/2014. )<br />
<br />
Solution: Countless phone calls between the agents and the carrier and a trip to the doctor to get a statement signed to reinstate my insurance. <br />
<br />
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<br />
These are just a few examples of the complete chaos and stupidity that spews from these agencies that are supposed to care for us. Clearly Obama care has fell flat on its collective ass, and I know there are issues and I certainly do not pretend to know how to fix it, I do know however that they can not remain as they are. Times they are a changin'.... And the sooner the better!! Clearly it boils down to money......Perhaps that's why I can't grasp the way these angencies think, because I value people more than money. My only hope is that we can somehow get these insurance angencies to see us as people not a meal ticket. <br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02446910366377230875noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6778323568952625751.post-58072073154859390832014-09-25T16:12:00.000-07:002014-09-25T16:12:39.642-07:00Harvest<img alt="" class="spotlight" src="https://fbcdn-sphotos-f-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xap1/v/t1.0-9/10450594_10204972089412768_8526962713941243745_n.jpg?oh=0d3e75fd790da7143e302346ceadd290&oe=548C4187&__gda__=1418044370_b8d7d45ba024de8d637fccd62f1b3878" style="height: 329px; width: 582px;" />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02446910366377230875noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6778323568952625751.post-45813146704678286952014-09-23T07:35:00.002-07:002014-09-23T07:35:34.246-07:00Living the LifeEvery now and again I grab a cup of coffee early in the morning, and I sit and watch as the the darkness is slowly replaced by soft sunlight, and have this moment of peace. It's amazing, but if I had never became ill I would have never have done anything like this before. I never had the time. Sad that it took a life changing experience for me to appreciate the sunrise. God has a way of making us see things that we tend to overlook. Perhaps that's why he made me go through these hardships, so I would stop and look at what beauty was right there all along. Whatever the reason may be, I'm glad I got to witness it.<br />
<br />
I realize now that I was so busy with my life, that I really didn't have time to live it. That's where I screwed up. I was missing my own life. I suppose now in hind sight I needed to find balance, and because I never did my life suffered. I put myself last, and by doing that I failed to live up to what life had to offer. What I learned is that when I stopped living and just went through the motions of my everyday drudgery, that my EVERYTHING was affected. My health, my marriage, my job, my faith, my judgement and most of all my sense of self.<br />
<br />
I wasn't wounded I was numb. I think that's why I became ill, my body tried to tell me when it was time to slow down. There were signs, but I chose to ignore them. I had to prove that I was stronger than anyone else and diabetes didn't hold me back. So I would do what everyone else was doing and act as though nothing was wrong. It was normal for me to keep going and to be as strong as I could be. Then it all came to a screeching halt. My declining health and facing the possibility of dying changed everything.<br />
<br />
My days no longer run toghther in an unending meaningless line of nothingness, they are now filled with joy happiness understanding and at times hardships. I feel them and experience them wholeheartedly and enjoy every minute as a gift. The gift of life, the gift of a second chance not to take my life for granted.<br />
<br />
And after everything I went through, I sit....I sit and watch the sunrise and I'm thankful and blessed to do so.<br />
<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02446910366377230875noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6778323568952625751.post-35007650079982875202014-09-22T14:30:00.001-07:002014-09-22T14:30:23.864-07:00<img alt="" class="spotlight" src="https://fbcdn-sphotos-c-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xpa1/v/t1.0-9/10537128_845446445495752_8913102862393404941_n.jpg?oh=7f11366ea39e56cfe16d7aba4d0b8dc8&oe=54C1B418&__gda__=1418384544_7d25ae74fe1b244013a99340c0a7a46c" style="height: 581px; width: 581px;" />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02446910366377230875noreply@blogger.com0