I went to my first therapy session last Friday. My psychologist and I seemed to have a good rapport, which made me more at ease with the therapy session. She said I appeared to be suffering from clinical depression, and possibly some survivors guilt from the transplant. This is going to be another difficult journey for me to endure, but one I  must take. I have come to realize that I need help to move forward.

I feel disconnected from my life. It has changed so much in such a short time, that I no longer recognize myself, nor can I fix it. I have in previous situations always been able to pick myself up and ''shake it off "so to speak. I feel broken and fragile these days, and overwhelmed with emotions.
Please understand that I'm very grateful for the gift of a lifesaving transplant. I just wasn't mentally prepared for the changes that were in store for me.

I really thought after transplant I was going to be brand new and unstoppable. It has made me feel better physically, though I still can't do some of the things I miss doing. I don't know really how to put into words how all this has changed me. I just feel lost and confused scared and unsure of what I should do next.

 I really feel like a piece of snow in a snow globe that keeps getting shook up. Floating in a glass bubble never knowing where I'm  going to land.

I'm really hoping to get through this funk and find my purpose and most of all peace.