Living the Life

Every now and again I grab a cup of coffee early in the morning, and I sit and watch as the the darkness is slowly replaced by soft sunlight, and have this moment of peace. It's amazing, but if  I had never became ill I would have never have done anything like this before. I never had the time. Sad that it took a life changing experience for me to appreciate the sunrise. God has a way of making us see things  that we tend to overlook. Perhaps that's why  he made me go through these hardships, so I would stop and look at what beauty was right there all along. Whatever the reason may be,  I'm glad I got to witness it.

I realize now that I was so busy with my life, that I really didn't have time to live it. That's where I screwed up. I was missing my own life. I suppose now in hind sight I needed to find balance, and because I never did my life suffered. I put myself last, and by doing that I failed to live up to what life had to offer. What I learned is that when I stopped living and just went through the motions of my everyday drudgery, that my EVERYTHING was affected. My health, my marriage, my job, my faith, my judgement and most of all my sense of self.

I wasn't wounded I was numb. I think that's why I became ill, my body tried to tell me when it was time to slow down. There were signs, but I chose to ignore them. I had to prove that I was stronger than anyone else and diabetes didn't hold me back. So I would do what everyone else was doing and act as though nothing was wrong. It was normal for me to keep going and to be as strong as I could be. Then it all came to a screeching halt. My declining health and facing the possibility of dying changed everything.

My days no longer run toghther in an unending meaningless line of nothingness, they are now filled with joy happiness understanding and at times hardships. I feel them and experience them wholeheartedly and enjoy every minute as a gift. The gift of life, the gift of a second chance not to take my life for granted.

And after everything I went through, I sit....I sit  and watch the sunrise and I'm thankful and blessed to do so.