Understanding Pain

I had a pretty good weekend doing things around the house to make it spiffy. I love our home, it is old and quirky but it has a charm to it. It has a coziness to it that is soothing. Besides that I have to spend so much time in it, I have to make it as pleasant as possible. It has so much of us in it. My husband however sees the shadows of his past in these old walls and it is a constant reminder of his painful childhood. I try to explain to him that the pain is in his heart not the house, because we have filled the house with love and good memories, so whatever demons  had once permeated through the walls are gone.  But I can still see his pain.

It is hard to understand someones  pain. We always try, but you can't understand truly unless you have experienced it for yourself. We all have called a friend and asked how they are doing just out of habit or good manners, we assume it to be a rhetorical question and expect the usual response of " Fine, how are you?" almost as repetitive ritual. We usu sally don't expect when we hear, "No, I'm not fine?" We get so excited about wanting to tell someone about what is going on that they actually have a problem is somehow departed from the ritual and you expected to listen and help.

Well there ya go, we are so busy with ourselves that we are just waiting for our chance to speak and never truly listen to people especially when they need us most. Pain comes in all shapes and sizes, and doesn't discriminate. We have all undergone some type of pain whether it be emotional physical or pshycological. Pain can be a constant burden or a motivator. The issue to me is we dismiss each others pain. So many times I have heard people say things like " oh she doesn't even know what pain is" or ' it is a bit exaggerated and dramatic don't ya think?"  Let me just say this, perception is reality. If I perceive it as such, it is my reality, therefore it is true.I have undergone pain still got dressed make up on and went about my day, and no one was the wiser. Handling pain is hard and even the best of us have had a problem handling it, and there are those of us who can't and were overwhelmed by pain and needed a escape. My mother was one of the ones who was overwhelmed by her pain, and eventually found escape.

We don't wear flashing neon signs with our pain advertised on it. Just be kind to people and realize that we have learned to mask our pain and endure whatever we face with dignity and grace. Don't dismiss us as over dramatized needing attention whiny people. And remember when you ask us if we are fine, be prepared to get a earful, and kind enough to truly listen!