My Day

Had a tiresome couple of days. It really disturbs me at the insurance crap that I have to deal with all the time. No matter how informed you seem to think you are, you are not, because the insurance companies don't want you to be aware. They want you confused. The constant barrage of paper work and repetition information is exhausting. I have become so irritated by the constant miscommunication.

Medicare sent me a statement yesterday that said I have met my deductible for 2013. Well good to know, especially since it is now 2014. I mean why is this complicated and SLOW?? The doctors office billing department are well aware of this practice however it doesn't stop them from telling me my bills are past due. I mean it is  hard enough to deal with my plethora of illnesses, I really don't feel like having to deal with the same issues over and over again.

The doctors office then proceed to hassle you when you check out saying you have a balance Really?? This not only is irritating , but embarrassing. It is not like they pull you aside privately they say it in front of whomever is around at the time. I had such a horrible experience yesterday at the eye doctor, not the treatment , but just trying to check out. The eye doctor's billing department said I had a huge balance which I did not. When I got home I went online to check my  bank account and files and sure enough I had paid them. But all I got was attitude at the office because they had recorded nothing on my account. So of course I then call the billing department to get the bill corrected, and they were too busy, sent me to voice mail and of course no  one has called me back yet. FURSTRATED.

 I also saw my nephrologist yesterday, (who is great by the way). He asked how I had been since my last visit. I told him that I had been burnt  out by Dr appointments and had to take a break for a while and he understood. I also indicated to him that I have been seeing a therapist for my depression. He asked my why I had been feeling depressed, I had overcome so much and should be happy at how far I had come. Bill also agreed with his statement. I had to explain to them both that the pain I continually endure causes me to feel depressed, and the side effects from the drugs is quite dramatic as well.

I don't mean to seem like I'm whining or ungrateful at all, it's just hard to function some days, and some days are just harder than others. My body has undergone so many changes that have, in some instances been traumatic. I t is going to take some time to find my place again, and I hope that I do. I'm certainly not just sitting on my ass. I needed help and sought it out! Hoping and praying for peace and resolutions.            

I have about had it with this health care system. When will our government understand when they decide to make ignorant, and ill informed decisions that "we the people" have our health jeopardized? These haphazard decisions put our lives at risk. Everything from serious test being denied to life saving medications such as insulin persciptions needing repeated approvals. It is a constant exercises in futility. I for one have had enough.

 We have voted people into offices and positions of power that have promised to help, and lied to our collective faces. Why is it so hard for them to understand that their constant bickering and non bipartisanship is costing our lives literally. People are dying, because of this health care system failure. There are constant stories of people falling through the cracks and not getting the help that they so desperately need.

This idea of having people being forced to get insurance only served to make the poor and the ill even more so. This is just another way for insurance companies to continue lining their pockets at our expense. I am very supportive of wanting and needing change, but it doesn't take a a genius to see that this is not the working.

 I wish that for one moment that a congressman., our President, or any of our representatives could experience a life altering  decision of whether  to pay a for electricity, water or medicine.  I just don't get why it so hard for people to care about one another. Why do we not see the bigger picture, has greed and the need to constantly get more and more from others become what we strive for?

If we cared more about each other perhaps health care wouldn't such a issue. Common sense and knowing right from wrong shouldn't be so rare. We know the current status is not working. Let's change it. remove all the government red tape make things easier, quit overcomplicated everything. I f we go to the Dr. and says we need a test or a persciption lets just do it, do not make it necessary to get several approvals to say the same damn thing. If someone needs a kidney transplant don't pay for dialysis forever and not a transplant that is cheaper and healthier in the long run. If we know that it is broken why doesn't our government?

When Seth Rogan approached congress the other day and one by one  members began to leave, all but two. Why can't they hear us? Stay listen, learn. Isn't' that what we elected you to do??

I went to my first therapy session last Friday. My psychologist and I seemed to have a good rapport, which made me more at ease with the therapy session. She said I appeared to be suffering from clinical depression, and possibly some survivors guilt from the transplant. This is going to be another difficult journey for me to endure, but one I  must take. I have come to realize that I need help to move forward.

I feel disconnected from my life. It has changed so much in such a short time, that I no longer recognize myself, nor can I fix it. I have in previous situations always been able to pick myself up and ''shake it off "so to speak. I feel broken and fragile these days, and overwhelmed with emotions.
Please understand that I'm very grateful for the gift of a lifesaving transplant. I just wasn't mentally prepared for the changes that were in store for me.

I really thought after transplant I was going to be brand new and unstoppable. It has made me feel better physically, though I still can't do some of the things I miss doing. I don't know really how to put into words how all this has changed me. I just feel lost and confused scared and unsure of what I should do next.

 I really feel like a piece of snow in a snow globe that keeps getting shook up. Floating in a glass bubble never knowing where I'm  going to land.

I'm really hoping to get through this funk and find my purpose and most of all peace.

I haven't been blogging for a bit because of my eye issue. It is beginning to clear up a bit, so I'm able to type a little better. I have been having a some depression since the transplant although I probably had it all along. Whatever the reason I have decided after speaking to my doctor that this is bit more than just a medication issue. My mother suffered from bipolar disorder, and possibly schizophrenia, severe depression. I just don't want to go down the rabbit hole. Trying to stay sane and not get down all the time has been daunting to say the least. I'm staying positive and realizing it's OK to ask for help.  This is a turning point for the better. I wish my husband would also go. We have experienced so many issues over the years which have taken its toll on our marriage, he doesn't see problem. That in itself is a problem for me!! Hello I'm trying to work everything out.