When I became ill and forced into some serious lifestyle changes I became angry and resentful. Not only had my lifestyle changed so did my attitudes. It was hard to face a life changing illness, and I had to find a way to cope to keep myself from drowning in self pity and why me's??My soul was damaged and I had to fix it!
I really didn't know where to begin to start my journey of healing my soul. The truth is I never really thought about it that much, I had my diabetes to deal with, my busy job, sick parents, and a marriage hanging on by a thread, fixing me was at the bottom of the list. Then when I found out I was sick... I mean really sick.It became more clear to me to fix my life I had to repair my soul.
When I left my job and had to sit and try to get well, I had a epiphany I guess you could say, about what I was going to do. I needed some introspection. The good, the bad, and the ugly rehashed to evaluate. Not a pretty proposition, but a necessary one. So I set out in my head to do my soul searching. I found out that this materialistic narcissistic world did not need another negative vibe in it, I chose at that very moment to be as positive as I could of course that started me another journey to discover what it really means to be positive. A topic that proliferates through my blogs and that I strongly believe in.
All that material crap that we worked for all those years, the truck, the house the clothes, the fancy dinners out I mean all that is nice but it doesn't feed your soul. I needed to find that voice deep inside me again and bring it to the surface, and listen to what it was telling me to do.Once I figured out that I was not happy with those things and figured out what was really important my soul began to heal.
I reconnected with long lost family members, and feelings and happiness and just sheer joy. This is the best medicine for your soul..... love! My love of friends and family, and the sense of peace that gives me is amazing, my darkest times have been made easier but just knowing how much love surrounds me. Being able to feel the sun on my face the grass under my toes and love in my heart will keep my soul and me happy, so feed your soul everyday for it has a voracious appetite and if negleted it will die
Thursday, May 22, 2014
Wednesday, May 21, 2014
Tuesday, May 20, 2014
Success
I had my biopsy yesterday, and my surgeon said it looked non cancerous from what he could tell. This is not from the pathology though, we will have to wait on that to know for sure, but it looks negative so far.
On the up side Bill got his appointment to get his kidney stone eliminated hopefully he will get some relief. It is hard to watch him in so much pain. We are remaining positve even though it is hard at times for Bill.
They say ( not quite sure who they are yet) that opposites attract, well in this case that has become true. I'm the optimist the glass is half full. Bill on the other hand the glass is half empty, has a the abitlity to crack, and is the last glass in the entire world what are we going to do? This makes him the worst case senario pesimist, however he always has a plan to fix said glass. I suppose this makes us a good team, at least it defines our rolls in our relationship a little.
Bill is the fixer the true man of the house ( at least I let him think so). If something is broken he is the man on the job evrything from the car breaking down to me breaking down and going to pieces. He always tries fix whatever he can. Sometimes it does cause a fightor two.I feel parented and times, and just like a child I rebel, then the fight insues over something usually very insugniffiacant. But I have come to realize it comes from a place of love and support. He has been through so much with me, the death of my mother, lung cancer with my dad, and now my ongoing illness. Always there, even if he doesn't want too he does it, the list is endless.
I'm not saying we don't have or moments, I come from a long line of door slammers, and have a mouth like a sailor at times( I'm sure the profaninty is proliferating through the walls as I write) and Bill can do some pretty good screaming and cussing himself. but all that aside we are good toghther and have carried ourselves through some really rouogh times. He is my rock, my best friend, and wonderful caring human being that has carried our family far. Other people think that we may not be successful, we don't have the fancy car, the fancy house, or lots of money. Those are not important we both know what truly is.... FAMILY, FRIENDS, AND FAITH IN GOD, With our family and friends we will always know that someone is there to help, pray for you,and love no matter what mistakes you have made or what happens in the future. That is true success, being a good human being. Because in the end we are taking nothing with us to heaven but our souls!!!!
On the up side Bill got his appointment to get his kidney stone eliminated hopefully he will get some relief. It is hard to watch him in so much pain. We are remaining positve even though it is hard at times for Bill.
They say ( not quite sure who they are yet) that opposites attract, well in this case that has become true. I'm the optimist the glass is half full. Bill on the other hand the glass is half empty, has a the abitlity to crack, and is the last glass in the entire world what are we going to do? This makes him the worst case senario pesimist, however he always has a plan to fix said glass. I suppose this makes us a good team, at least it defines our rolls in our relationship a little.
Bill is the fixer the true man of the house ( at least I let him think so). If something is broken he is the man on the job evrything from the car breaking down to me breaking down and going to pieces. He always tries fix whatever he can. Sometimes it does cause a fightor two.I feel parented and times, and just like a child I rebel, then the fight insues over something usually very insugniffiacant. But I have come to realize it comes from a place of love and support. He has been through so much with me, the death of my mother, lung cancer with my dad, and now my ongoing illness. Always there, even if he doesn't want too he does it, the list is endless.
I'm not saying we don't have or moments, I come from a long line of door slammers, and have a mouth like a sailor at times( I'm sure the profaninty is proliferating through the walls as I write) and Bill can do some pretty good screaming and cussing himself. but all that aside we are good toghther and have carried ourselves through some really rouogh times. He is my rock, my best friend, and wonderful caring human being that has carried our family far. Other people think that we may not be successful, we don't have the fancy car, the fancy house, or lots of money. Those are not important we both know what truly is.... FAMILY, FRIENDS, AND FAITH IN GOD, With our family and friends we will always know that someone is there to help, pray for you,and love no matter what mistakes you have made or what happens in the future. That is true success, being a good human being. Because in the end we are taking nothing with us to heaven but our souls!!!!
Sunday, May 18, 2014
Biospy
Well tomorrow is my breast biopsy and I can't help but be reminded of my mother. She battled breast cancer for about 8 years till she finally gave up the fight and succumbed to the cancer in 2009. She had lost her ability to fight, her spirit, and determination. Once that was all gone death came swiftly.
I used to be angry at her for wanting to give up and just surrender, but going through what I have experienced so far I have a better understanding of what she felt. It can be hard to hang on, although I certainly am not ready to give up the fight, I have come too far to quit now.
This will be my fourth biopsy so you can understand my apprehension. Positive attitude and prayers have given me strength that I didn't even knew I possessed, so I head into surgery tomorrow with a renewed sense of optimism and hope.
Despite the outcome I will deal with whatever the results may be, with continued positivity and strength that has been my mantra through every battle I have ever encountered. I will be the positivity in my own life and guide myself through any and all obstacles, because after all that is what I do...move forward and endure!!
I used to be angry at her for wanting to give up and just surrender, but going through what I have experienced so far I have a better understanding of what she felt. It can be hard to hang on, although I certainly am not ready to give up the fight, I have come too far to quit now.
This will be my fourth biopsy so you can understand my apprehension. Positive attitude and prayers have given me strength that I didn't even knew I possessed, so I head into surgery tomorrow with a renewed sense of optimism and hope.
Despite the outcome I will deal with whatever the results may be, with continued positivity and strength that has been my mantra through every battle I have ever encountered. I will be the positivity in my own life and guide myself through any and all obstacles, because after all that is what I do...move forward and endure!!
Saturday, May 17, 2014
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