Tuesday, June 24, 2014
Monday, June 23, 2014
Understanding Pain
I had a pretty good weekend doing things around the house to make it spiffy. I love our home, it is old and quirky but it has a charm to it. It has a coziness to it that is soothing. Besides that I have to spend so much time in it, I have to make it as pleasant as possible. It has so much of us in it. My husband however sees the shadows of his past in these old walls and it is a constant reminder of his painful childhood. I try to explain to him that the pain is in his heart not the house, because we have filled the house with love and good memories, so whatever demons had once permeated through the walls are gone. But I can still see his pain.
It is hard to understand someones pain. We always try, but you can't understand truly unless you have experienced it for yourself. We all have called a friend and asked how they are doing just out of habit or good manners, we assume it to be a rhetorical question and expect the usual response of " Fine, how are you?" almost as repetitive ritual. We usu sally don't expect when we hear, "No, I'm not fine?" We get so excited about wanting to tell someone about what is going on that they actually have a problem is somehow departed from the ritual and you expected to listen and help.
Well there ya go, we are so busy with ourselves that we are just waiting for our chance to speak and never truly listen to people especially when they need us most. Pain comes in all shapes and sizes, and doesn't discriminate. We have all undergone some type of pain whether it be emotional physical or pshycological. Pain can be a constant burden or a motivator. The issue to me is we dismiss each others pain. So many times I have heard people say things like " oh she doesn't even know what pain is" or ' it is a bit exaggerated and dramatic don't ya think?" Let me just say this, perception is reality. If I perceive it as such, it is my reality, therefore it is true.I have undergone pain still got dressed make up on and went about my day, and no one was the wiser. Handling pain is hard and even the best of us have had a problem handling it, and there are those of us who can't and were overwhelmed by pain and needed a escape. My mother was one of the ones who was overwhelmed by her pain, and eventually found escape.
We don't wear flashing neon signs with our pain advertised on it. Just be kind to people and realize that we have learned to mask our pain and endure whatever we face with dignity and grace. Don't dismiss us as over dramatized needing attention whiny people. And remember when you ask us if we are fine, be prepared to get a earful, and kind enough to truly listen!
It is hard to understand someones pain. We always try, but you can't understand truly unless you have experienced it for yourself. We all have called a friend and asked how they are doing just out of habit or good manners, we assume it to be a rhetorical question and expect the usual response of " Fine, how are you?" almost as repetitive ritual. We usu sally don't expect when we hear, "No, I'm not fine?" We get so excited about wanting to tell someone about what is going on that they actually have a problem is somehow departed from the ritual and you expected to listen and help.
Well there ya go, we are so busy with ourselves that we are just waiting for our chance to speak and never truly listen to people especially when they need us most. Pain comes in all shapes and sizes, and doesn't discriminate. We have all undergone some type of pain whether it be emotional physical or pshycological. Pain can be a constant burden or a motivator. The issue to me is we dismiss each others pain. So many times I have heard people say things like " oh she doesn't even know what pain is" or ' it is a bit exaggerated and dramatic don't ya think?" Let me just say this, perception is reality. If I perceive it as such, it is my reality, therefore it is true.I have undergone pain still got dressed make up on and went about my day, and no one was the wiser. Handling pain is hard and even the best of us have had a problem handling it, and there are those of us who can't and were overwhelmed by pain and needed a escape. My mother was one of the ones who was overwhelmed by her pain, and eventually found escape.
We don't wear flashing neon signs with our pain advertised on it. Just be kind to people and realize that we have learned to mask our pain and endure whatever we face with dignity and grace. Don't dismiss us as over dramatized needing attention whiny people. And remember when you ask us if we are fine, be prepared to get a earful, and kind enough to truly listen!
Saturday, June 21, 2014
Money, Money, and Money
Today I have been going over my credit reports. This is a constant reminder of the necessary evil of money. Despite my new attitude about happiness there in lies the reality of commerce and the need for the green. Now I have said several times in my blog that I don't require a great deal to be happy, however there is a constant need for money not for happiness but for survival.
We all like to have things, but that aside my need for money has at times been a life or death decsion I'm not trying to be dramatic just simply trying to explain my needs for money. It has been a savior to me at times and the lack of it has determined my health at times despite whatever knowledge I possessed. It all came down to having the funds to acquire what I needed to get the best care for me I possibly could.
This is where I get pissed. You see my health deteriorated several times because of money or should I say the lack there of. I believe there should never be a barrier such as money to prevent someone from getting the best care possible, however this is not the case, nor am I the only one who has suffered from lack of funds determining a healthy outcome. We are a wealthy country and knowledgeable society, and the unfortunate truth is that your socioeconomic class determines your level of treatment and health.
This should not be the case, and the really sad part is we have the tools to help aid ourselves, but are denied them because of plethora of issues ranging from inadequate coverage to poor education, of the treatments designed to help you.
A good example of this is when I had acquired a insulin pump. I had to have months of training and education to learn how to use the pump and get the best results as possible. Well the insurance I had at the time did not pay for the education classes, although they were required by the insurance company they were not covered. So I had to pay $275.00 per visit to get the education I needed to operate the pump correctly. This is wasteful stupid and just dumb. They essentially set you up to fail.
Why is so hard to provide you with complete information. You only get the whole picture if you can pay for the extra crap they don't give you. Wasteful. Another example is when I was on financial assistance when I was younger Medicaid only paid for one bottle of insulin a month and only 30 needles. not enough for the leanest of treatments. again setting you up to fail, unless you can afford the extra. It goes on and on, and its just not me, I have seen it with my own eyes, cancer patients held up chemos for insurance debacles and ineptness. Aids patients denied medicine because they had the same pills last month and need new doses. As I said I'm just one of thousands perhaps millions that can't get proper treatment because of our economic statuses. This should not be the case. If the medicine is available it should be available to all its that simple. The government state legislators and insurance companies and hospitals need to get on he same page and remember that they are there to help us and heal us not continuously line their pockets and get rich from our demise. People need to care about each other and make it less about money and we would be a better place. It may sound simple and stupid to some of you, but I can only hope that people will eventually learn that money doesn't help you heaven, but helping others and doing right will get cha in the gate!!
We all like to have things, but that aside my need for money has at times been a life or death decsion I'm not trying to be dramatic just simply trying to explain my needs for money. It has been a savior to me at times and the lack of it has determined my health at times despite whatever knowledge I possessed. It all came down to having the funds to acquire what I needed to get the best care for me I possibly could.
This is where I get pissed. You see my health deteriorated several times because of money or should I say the lack there of. I believe there should never be a barrier such as money to prevent someone from getting the best care possible, however this is not the case, nor am I the only one who has suffered from lack of funds determining a healthy outcome. We are a wealthy country and knowledgeable society, and the unfortunate truth is that your socioeconomic class determines your level of treatment and health.
This should not be the case, and the really sad part is we have the tools to help aid ourselves, but are denied them because of plethora of issues ranging from inadequate coverage to poor education, of the treatments designed to help you.
A good example of this is when I had acquired a insulin pump. I had to have months of training and education to learn how to use the pump and get the best results as possible. Well the insurance I had at the time did not pay for the education classes, although they were required by the insurance company they were not covered. So I had to pay $275.00 per visit to get the education I needed to operate the pump correctly. This is wasteful stupid and just dumb. They essentially set you up to fail.
Why is so hard to provide you with complete information. You only get the whole picture if you can pay for the extra crap they don't give you. Wasteful. Another example is when I was on financial assistance when I was younger Medicaid only paid for one bottle of insulin a month and only 30 needles. not enough for the leanest of treatments. again setting you up to fail, unless you can afford the extra. It goes on and on, and its just not me, I have seen it with my own eyes, cancer patients held up chemos for insurance debacles and ineptness. Aids patients denied medicine because they had the same pills last month and need new doses. As I said I'm just one of thousands perhaps millions that can't get proper treatment because of our economic statuses. This should not be the case. If the medicine is available it should be available to all its that simple. The government state legislators and insurance companies and hospitals need to get on he same page and remember that they are there to help us and heal us not continuously line their pockets and get rich from our demise. People need to care about each other and make it less about money and we would be a better place. It may sound simple and stupid to some of you, but I can only hope that people will eventually learn that money doesn't help you heaven, but helping others and doing right will get cha in the gate!!
Wednesday, June 11, 2014
Drink it Down
Today I'm getting ready to go out of town for the weekend. I'm visiting Spartenburg with my Aunt Diane to see Gloria. She is an amazing artist. She has been a big inspiration to me and has encouraged me to be more creative and got me painting again. I always feel rejuvenated after a visit with her, she always gets my creative juices flowing. Diane is hilariously funny and we always have a good time together. Looking forward to the times spent with friends and family.
Everyone I have met has impacted a part of my life. Some positively some negatively, but either way it surely has taught me lessons about who I want to be as a person. Pessimism is the contagious disease that inflicts its negativity on a positive mind. I believe you must surround yourself with what inspires to achieve you dream. You must feed the inner source of your power with positivity.
The world is a complex place and it can be brutal on you physically, mentally and emotionally, but it can't damage you as much as a pessimistic attitude can. You must see that cup is half full, and then drink from the cup, and know that you will fill the cup again. Optimism is best place to help you achieve your goal, because if you won't be the positivity in your life how can you expect the universe to do it. I'm not saying if you just believe everything you want to happen will, your going to have to get up off your ass and do the work. You just need to be optimistic that you can do anything you set your mind to.
I have set my mind on being the positive and optimistic, because I have done the damn work and I know I'm going to be just fine!!
Everyone I have met has impacted a part of my life. Some positively some negatively, but either way it surely has taught me lessons about who I want to be as a person. Pessimism is the contagious disease that inflicts its negativity on a positive mind. I believe you must surround yourself with what inspires to achieve you dream. You must feed the inner source of your power with positivity.
The world is a complex place and it can be brutal on you physically, mentally and emotionally, but it can't damage you as much as a pessimistic attitude can. You must see that cup is half full, and then drink from the cup, and know that you will fill the cup again. Optimism is best place to help you achieve your goal, because if you won't be the positivity in your life how can you expect the universe to do it. I'm not saying if you just believe everything you want to happen will, your going to have to get up off your ass and do the work. You just need to be optimistic that you can do anything you set your mind to.
I have set my mind on being the positive and optimistic, because I have done the damn work and I know I'm going to be just fine!!
Tuesday, June 10, 2014
New Diagnosis New Possibilties
I went to a new neurologist yesterday, and got a better understanding of what has been going on with me lately. As you know from my previous post I have been falling quite a bit and I have also blacked out a few times, it has been a little scary and not knowing what was wrong made it even worse. Now armed with some more info about my condition I can begin to heal more. As it turned out I have had a severe B12 deficiency for most of my diabetic life. It has not been diagnosed til now so subsequently I have sustained severe nerve damage from this. I also have autonomic neuropathy from the diabetes as well. These two combined have been responsible for my falls and bit of the dizziness (some of my dizziness is attributed to my orthostatic blood pressure.) treatment will entail B12 injections monthly for the rest of my life. Due to the nerve damage that I have sustained I will need to use a walker or a cane permanently and wear those lovely compression socks. Some nerves may start to repair but that can takes years and as severe as mine neuropathy is that looks less likely.
Now I was a bit taken aback by this information, it was a bittersweet moment. I wanted to know what was wrong, but I wasn't thrilled with aspect of getting a shot every month and needing help in walking. But I will take my lumps and keep moving forward and become a master of jumping hurdles.
My concern now is why this has never been detected before. All the fiery hoops I have jumped through to get transplanted and the plethora of doctors I have seen over the years and no one caught this? All I can say is wow!! I'm astounded and a bit angry about this, but at this point there isn't a too much I can do about it, except take my treatment and do the best I can..
I will continue to keep my positive attitude and hoping that these injections will help with my energy levels and the fatigue I have been battling for so long. The best is yet to come and I will look forward to each new day, because that is one more day I have lived to see.
Now I was a bit taken aback by this information, it was a bittersweet moment. I wanted to know what was wrong, but I wasn't thrilled with aspect of getting a shot every month and needing help in walking. But I will take my lumps and keep moving forward and become a master of jumping hurdles.
My concern now is why this has never been detected before. All the fiery hoops I have jumped through to get transplanted and the plethora of doctors I have seen over the years and no one caught this? All I can say is wow!! I'm astounded and a bit angry about this, but at this point there isn't a too much I can do about it, except take my treatment and do the best I can..
I will continue to keep my positive attitude and hoping that these injections will help with my energy levels and the fatigue I have been battling for so long. The best is yet to come and I will look forward to each new day, because that is one more day I have lived to see.
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